The "Older man in denial about losing hair who wants to smell like a cedar closet full of newspapers, sweaters, mahogany and leather" brand of shampoo

According to Google's walking directions, it is 9.3 miles to my parents' house. I am tempted. But I have no iPod, because it is buried somewhere in a pile of clothes.

Pros:

• I have been lazy all day, so I should run. Instead of going on the super run I planned, I sat on my bum all day and read poetry. I told myself I was researching for the unit I'm teaching soon, but that's just how I justified it.
  
• I would get in better shape.
• I would get one step closer to having my legs back in fighting/miniskirt shape.
  
• Maybe I would acquire a butt. But that's a stretch.
  
• My boobs might get smaller if I run 9.3 miles, because I might lose weight miraculously, and sweet God am I sick of them.
• It will increase my cardiovascular strength.
  
• Running makes me happy.
  
• My parents will be surprised to see me sans minivan.
  
• I will save gas by not driving.
  
• I will save the planet by not driving and releasing toxic chemicals into the atmosphere.
  

Cons:

• It will take a while. Not 3 hours, because I will run, but it will take me a while.
  
• My back hurts, and my knees hurt.
  
• I am still dehydrated from that horrible drink last night. Why disguise it as a drink? Why pretend it's some classy mix of flavors? Why not just be honest and call it "whiskey on the rocks?"
  
• I am still out of shape. Maybe this is too much of a jump.
  
• I have no spare clothes at my parents' house. I would have to attend their dinner party in sweaty running clothes.
  
• I have no shampoo at my parents' house. I would have to shower and use my dad's brand of shampoo, "Older man in denial about losing hair who wants to smell like a cedar closet full of newspapers, sweaters, mahogany and leather" brand.
  
• My shoes are biting the dust. They might not have the shock absorption or medial support to carry me through 9.3 consecutive miles.
  
• I can't listen to U2!
• My inhaler is almost out of juice.
  
• I would be late, and my mom would yell at me.

Well, after all that, my mom just called and forbade me to run. I may be an adult, but you don't disobey DiAnne. Not if you know what's good for you. Love you mom. Not that you remember me giving you this blog address, but on the off chance that you do... shalom alechem.

Random thoughts: What did we do before we had loofahs to use in the shower? Really, what did we do?

goede nacht
tot ziens
lw

ps: Megaboobular, since when do you have a blogspot blog? Could you post to it, so I can read it? It would make me absurdly happy. Like, jump on Oprah's Couch happy. Ben and Jerry's naming a flavor after me happy. Pants being outlawed happy. Making it to the top of Heartbreak Hill Happy. Captain Morgans happy (that one's for you).

thoughts 2/28

The following bullet points are my thoughts, in the order in which they enter my brain:

1. I feel really, really dumb right now.
   
2. My literary magazine students are brilliant. I am so proud of them.
   
3. Tonight, three different people spilled ice water or icy beer on me. Two of them (possibly more?) were bartenders. I am now reminiscent of college. Aww..
   
4. SO MUCH DRAMA. So entertaining. I should be horrified, but my life is never that interesting... Although boys, I hope you figure out your issues and become friends again.
   
5. WHOA. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA WAS EARTH-SHATTERING.
   
6. I want to BE Katee Sackhoff.
   
7. I could live on peanut butter.
   
8. I am going on a super run tomorrow. It will be glorious. I can't wait.
   
9. I am so happy that spring is coming. Even f it becomes cold again, I can handle it, because this brief warm spell has proven to me that we won't be shoveling ice forever. And THANK GOD. My poor windshield couldn't take anymore.
   
10. The star maker says, "It ain't so bad"
    The dream maker's gonna make you mad
    The spaceman says, "Everybody look down!
    Its all in your mind!" ...in related news you need to download "spaceman" by the killers.
    
11. You should also read Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry. Ask me for details why.
12. Does anyone want to see a movie tomorrow night? Or wander around aimlessly for a couple of hours? Is it supposed to be nice? I can't seem to stay inside... it's too difficult.
13. Need sleep.
    
14. Night.
    

~ mccrae

Chucktober

These are my most recent favorite Chuck Norris facts... But you should make www.chucknorrisfacts.com your homepage anyway.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.

The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"

<3 lw

thoughts

The following is a list of the thoughts in my head, as they appear, and as I remember them:

1. I am so done with winter. It needs to be over. I'm sick of being cold. I'm sick of my body shaking in the early morning wind. I'm ready for flip-flops, and sunscreen. Today, I spent half an hour de-icing my car. I couldn't even open it for the first ten minutes. I had to hack away at the door with a stick. Then, I opened it, got my shovel, hacked away at the top of the car, opened the sun roof, stuck my whole body through it, and hacked away at the windshield. I'm done. It's over. Although, on the brighter side, I drove home from work, and as I was driving over the Tobin Bridge at 4:56, it was still quite light outside.
   
2. I love this city so much that every time I drive home from work I get excited. Every time I'm on the Tobin, and I see the skyline, my heartbeat quickens. It's so silly. But it never gets old. Kind of like Holland, when I lived there. Most of my castle-mates eventually got into the groove of things, and became used to living there. It was normal. It never got old for me. I still woke up every morning, realized where I was, and nearly screamed.
   
3. I am injured in two ways. First, my back hurts. When I breathe, there is pain. Second, I fell running today with my kids, and my knee looks like what I would imagine brain matter would look like.
   
4. Sometimes, the best part of teaching writing is the amazing responses I apparently inspire from my co-teachers. Especially the more conservative ones. They tend to let loose. It's great.
   
5. Please, let me keep my job.
   
6. I need to lose weight. As soon as I can exhale without excruciating pain. How am I going to teach tomorrow?
7. My bed is amazing. I wish I could conduct more of my life here.
   
8. What I wouldn't give to be underwater at the camp pool right now, hunting for rings. Annie, I miss you. Let's hang out.
   
9. My new computer is incredible. What should I name it? I think it's a boy. My previous computers have been... Sly, after Sylvester Stallone, Macphisto, after the character Bono created on U2's Zoo TV tour in the 90s, and Prefontaine, after, well, Steve Prefontaine. So, Who should I name this computer after? Maybe Adam.
   
10. I had an amazing dream last night.
    
11. I sometimes wonder if there's ever an end to this information... phenomenon. I mean, space, digitally, is getting smaller and smaller. Think of how big the first generation iPods were, and they didn't even have that may gigabytes. Now those little shuffles have a whole gig, and I could probably fit eight of them in my mouth. Not that I'd try. That's why I won't get one. I'm afraid it would be mistaken for a potato chip. No, but seriously. Is there a point where it all stops, or are we going to end up with computers that have multiple terabytes of space and are 5 inches in diameter?
    
12. The weirdest thing I think is the Oakley Thump. If I could list the strangest results of this technology age, that would be up there with the top ones. They are Oakley sunglasses with an mp3 player and earbuds built in. It's ridiculous. I used to play with them when I worked at Marathon Sports. I even saw... some celebrity... wearing them at the Grammy's. Indoors. During a musical performance.
    
13. What is going on with Izzy on Grey's Anatomy? What on earth is wrong with her?
    
14. Kara Thrace is not a Cylon. If you don't watch Battlestar Galatica, you don't know what I'm talking about, and sadly, are not fulfilling your potential for awesomeness as a human being. Change it. Netflix it or buy the seasons or watch them online. Www.fanpop.com
    
15. My students are baffled by the fact that my first name is Leah. They don't think it's a good name for me. Apparently I look like a Rachel.
    
16. I miss the sun.
17. Ouch. I breathed, and it hurt. Crap.
    
18. All the other things on my mind are not for the entire internet to read, although I don't know why I bother, because no one reads this.
    
19. Goodnight.
    
20. Was the numbering necessary once I got to "goodnight?"
    
21. Yes, yes it was.
    
22. Definitely.
    

TOT ZIENS ~ LW

Firsts survey

1. Who was your FIRST prom date?
Mike Anderson

2. What was your 1st alcoholic drink?
whiskey

3. What was your FIRST job?
Scoops Ice Cream... Scooper

4. What was your FIRST car?
1999 Toyota Sienna... still going strong

5. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
No one yet, except facebook. I am king of lame.

6. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?
I'm going to keep that one to myself...

7. Who was your FIRST grade teacher?
Miss Burgin

8. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?
Florida when I was six weeks old to visit my Grandma Alice

9. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk?
Erin, and yes! I moved from Texas at age 10, and she moved here after college!

10. Where was your FIRST sleep over?
Probably Erin's house.

11. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?
one of my roommates. early mornings are a blur.

12. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?
my cousin Jane... I was a flower girl... it was awesome...

13. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?
pressed "ignore" on my phone alarm.

14. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?
Kiss concert in seventh grade with dad. As in, the top 40 radio station, not the band.

15. FIRST tattoo?
Don't have one

16. First piercing?
Ears when I was 9.

17. First foreign country you've been to?
Netherlands

18. FIRST movie you remember seeing?
Bambi

21. What was the first state you lived in?
Texas

22. Who was your FIRST roommate?
Sam Calero

23. If you had one wish. What would it be?
To keep my teaching job for next september... I love it, and I'm afraid of the economy.

24. What is something you would learn if you had the chance?
How to speak a million languages

25. Who do you think will be the next person to post this?
no clue... no one reads my blog, so...

Go see MILK. Seriously.

The movie MILK needs to win every award possible. Except Best Supporting Actor. That should to to Heath Ledger for The Dark Knight. Josh Brolin honestly wasn't that great as the conservative sometimes-ally of Harvey Milk's.

Reasons why you should see MILK:

• It will change your life.
  
• Sean Penn literally disappears into the role. When I got home, I imdb-ed him, and for a few minutes, I couldn't connect the candid photograph on his profile to the person I'd just spent the last 2+ hours watching. It took a few days before I was really cognizant of the fact that he existed as a full person beyond that role. That's how complete his portrayal was. It wasn't a portrayal. It was a channel.
  
• It's not preachy. Obviously, it's about gay rights, and it chronicles a period in history, but it doesn't feel like a documentary or a public service announcement. I don't know from experience, but I have an inkling that's hard to do. It's not a movie that imposes its views, or tries consciously to send a message. It's a character-driven drama set in a turbulent, challenging, provocative, changing 1970s San Francisco. It's my belief that in order to portray a message, the art can't be just about the message. In Huck Finn, for example, the racism cuts through the narrative like a knife, but the reason readers care is because they connect with the character of Jim. It's not about racism, it's about one man who is being judged unfairly because he just so happens to have more of a certain pigment in his skin. It's not about the issues, it's about the people behind them, and that is where Milk succeeds. Yes, it led me to research even more about gay rights. Yes, I was inspired to create my own constitutional amendments. Yes, it probably made me even more passionate about these issues. But it's not because of the issues - it's because of Harvey Milk. The movie captures his journey with such humor, pain and grace.
  
• James Franco is a real actor in this movie. Don't get me wrong - he's a comedic genius. Long after Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill have faded from the limelight, James Franco will still be leading a successful career so varied in its pursuits that he will be compared to Christopher Walken. James Franco is the type of actor who will be able to record a funny sketch for funnyordie.com, meet the President, film a scene from some breakthrough Showtime drama, and read to children in a local library, all in a day. He's just that good. But in this movie, he's exact. His emotions are as clear or as cloudy as the moment desires, and you never get that feeling that he's overdoing it or underdoing it. He owns it.
  
• Emile Hirsch is also fantastic. He provides much of the comic relief, and he steals every scene he's in. It wouldn't surprise me if he didn't break character between takes, because his whole body goes into being Clive Jones, his whole being. I can't see him walking like a normal person off to his trailer. The transition had to have been hard for him.
  

I will probably add more to this later. I know it's a rant. Deal with it.

Love you all,
Lw

PS: Internal Playlist-->

Shinedown- Second Chance

This one time, in the hospital...

Rather than tell everyone what happened a million different times, I'll just sum it up here:

WARNING: ANNIE, DO NOT READ THIS. IT IS NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH OF STOMACH. CALL ME, AND I WILL TELL YOU AN EDITED VERSION. I REPEAT, ANNIE, DO NOT READ THIS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

I was teaching my sixth graders and suddenly my stomach started burning. By the end of the day, I was puking in the parking lot. I don't really know how to describe it... "churning" is the word that comes to mind, though I'm not sure why. I just kept on hurling, it wouldn't stop. The worst thing was, I ate my mom's lasagna for lunch, so clearly it wasn't food poisoning, because my mom's a better cook than half the people on Food Network.

The worst part, by far, was my last chunk of teaching. Literary magazine and running are the only classes I teach where there's no one else near me, so I was just terrified that if I needed to puke, I'd have to throw up in my mouth and slyly spit it into the trash can. I couldn't leave the students, clearly.

Oh God and running? I gave them a time trial, and when they asked why I wasn't running, I said I was analyzing their gaits. True, if by analyzing gaits I actually meant trying not to ralph all over the gym floor.

Anyway, I called my doctor when it hadn't stopped after 5 hours, and she said to call an ambulance. Of course, I thought that was ridiculous. I mean, there were probably people who actually needed ambulances, so clearly I wasn't going to occupy one. I figured I'd tough it up.

Then came the blood.

For those of you who have never had the pleasure, throwing up blood is probably one of the scariest things in the world, and I've been through some scary shit. I will now take the time to make a list of the few things that are scarier than throwing up blood:

1. bleeding out your ears (which means you probably have a spinal or brain injury)
2. the scene in the Jack@ss movie when they give themselves papercuts between their fingers and toes
3. moldy cheese
4. being completely irrelevant

Anyway, when that happened, I made a mental note to buy extra whitening toothpaste and called a cab. Interesting note: cabs aren't supposed to take you to the hospital if you're sick, because of liability, I assume. When I requested to have a cab sent to my apartment to take me to the Emergency Room of Beth Israel, the man was skeptical. I insisted that I was visiting my sister (I don't have a sister), and to my surprise, he actually asked me questions!

What do you do when that happens?

Wait a second, on what planet does that ACTUALLY HAPPEN?

Well, in my case, it was a Tuesday, so with House MD still fresh in my mind, I responded, "Lupus." Questioning ceased.

Looking back, I must have looked like a wreck. I wore pajamas, because I figured if I wore clothes I'd just have to take them off anyway, and before I could fill out paperwork I had already thrown up three more times. I was given a complimentary bucket. I still have it. I did not actually throw up in the bucket. I missed. Oops.

So, the ER is actually much nicer than it appears on TV, although the doctors weren't nearly as attractive. I got hooked up to IVs and given lots of fluids (weird word, fluids), anti-nausea meds, and they stuck weird things all over me and put me in machines and then, I realized the unthinkable.

In real life, McDreamy has grey hair.

So sad.

But still so hot.

I will say one thing though. Asking the doctors all about their love lives is a great way to pass the time. That is one of the true elements of Grey's Anatomy.

Oh God, and my mother was of course, going nuts. I told them not to come, because I was fine, and to their credit, they did wait about three hours before my mother decided that since she was going to be on the phone with me every ten minutes anyway, she may as well drive down there.

I would have been fine, but thanks guys. Your witty banter helped considerably. And walking the mile to the 24-hour pharmacy in Copley (since I got out at like, 2) would've sucked.

So, hopefully at some point in my life, I will get an iron-clad immune system and avoid situations like these. They always say the first few years of teaching are the hardest on your body, and I'm now positive that's true. No hard feelings, students. It was pretty clear where the point of origin of the illness was (the name is too confusing to remember. Gastronanahanawhatawhosasomething). I compared IV bruises and tape marks with my students two days later, and my God, the only thing worse than throwing up blood as an adult has got to be throwing up blood as a twelve-year-old. My poor girls. And maybe boys, too, who knows who's caught it by now.

So, I came out of the situation bruised and with a free bucket. And two fewer sick days. Oh well. I guess they exist for a reason.

So, I should really stop starting every paragraph with "so," because that's redundant and unnecessary.

Loveyouall,
LW

it's happening.

I'm getting thin. I hate how I look. Starting now.
By our slutty summer party in March, I will be thin. By summer, I will be high school thin.

lw