BOOTS: A LOVE STORY

I have many materialistic loves. This post is about boots. 


Part 1: Baby Cowboy Boots
It's tough to say when my love affair with boots started. My first boots were cowboy boots. Mama bought them for me to wear to Jordan's brother's Bar Mitzvah. They were adorable -- miniature distressed brown leather. I even remember the dress I wore: denim, with sparkly appliques. I danced until my feet fell off, and then some more. I just remember thinking, "These boots are amazing. I must keep dancing." I was 9. Even then I could sense that with great boots came great responsibility. 


Part 2: Black knee-high boots-- Why don't you buy them both? 
The next thing I remember probably happened my freshman year of college. I was at the Burlington Mall with my mother, and I couldn't decide between a pair of chunky black boots, or stiletto black boots. My mother said the magic words: Why don't you buy them both? I'm pretty sure those words were followed with "Then you can return a pair later once you have a few days to think about it" but I have no recollection of this. When it comes to boots, I hear what I want to hear.  


Part 3: Point of No Return
My love was solidified by two events that happened in spring 2006. 


1. While living abroad, I flew to Stockholm, and realized the full potential of snow boots (ugg-style, but not real uggs obviously). 
2. Right after I moved back to the states, my mom took me to a shoe sale at Building 19. I was an expert at the whole "show up hours early, get a number, wait in line, rush the door" thing in the context of U2 concerts with Conor, but doing all this in the name of beautiful shoes was new to me. That day, I welcomed two new men into my life: Franco Sarto (black cowboy boots), Salvatore Ferragamo (sparkly gold and pink pumps). 


That shoe sale was amazing because it taught me how to really work for what you love. It might not be easy to find incredible boots in your price range, but it doesn't mean it's impossible. It just means you have to go to strange lengths to acquire them. I'm sure rich people don't have to stand in line for boots, but they probably don't have cool stories to tell about those lines, so... I win. Sidenote: A woman tried to pickpocket my number out of my back pocket when she thought I wasn't looking. This marked the first (but not last) time I almost got into a fist fight over footwear. 


Part 4: If I hadn't bought those boots, my life would not be the same. 
Have you ever experienced this? You see something, and you spend about 15 minutes debating whether or not to buy it. You end up buying it, and several months later, you remember how hesitant you were, and you think, "Oh my GOD if I hadn't bought those boots my life would SUCK I can't believe I hesitated at all!"


That's how I feel about my black suede slouchy boots. It was my second year of teaching. By that point, Mr. Sarto was a regular presence in my wardrobe. I still wear those boots at least once a week. $75 well-spent. 


Part 5: Refusing to settle for anything less than butterflies. 
I have nothing against the boots from Target. In fact, many of them are quite beautiful. I own about 4 pairs of flats from Target, and I'm pretty sure my F-uggs are from Target as well. But when it comes to me and boots, it took me over a year to admit that Target boots will never give me butterflies. 


God knows I was tempted. I wanted cowboy boots so badly it was almost painful. I saw them everywhere in every style in every color. I tried them on several times. But my mother's words rang in my head: Spend your calories on quality, not quantity. I of course took this past the obvious food meaning and applied it to boots: Better to have 4 pairs of incredible, expensive boots than 8 pairs of cheap ok boots. 


Several times I came close to purchasing boots that weren't "THE ONES." I would try to remember that Sex and the City quote about refusing to settle for anything less than butterflies, but then other Sex and the City quotes would crowd my head, like "I'm searching for Mr. Right Now" and my heart became confused. 


Last December, my family and I were eating at a Jew place in Cleveland when I had this feeling that something incredible was about to happen. If you swing that way, you're welcome to insert the whole imprinting/true love description from the Twilight books, because it was fairly similar. I was drawn to the TJ Maxx next door. I turned to my family and said, "I'll be back," and then bolted out the door. It's difficult to describe other than to say that I knew something amazing was waiting for me. I just knew. 


I sprinted through the aisles, probably knocking down old ladies and children and not noticing. When I saw them, my legs turned to goo I was so happy. Born brown cowboy boots, knee-high, stacked heel, one embellishment (a buckle, simple, not too flashy). I just knew in that moment that it was meant to be. I tried them on and squealed like a lunatic. I then proceeded to jump up and down and twirl around like a drunk ballerina. 


At this point, two things happened. 
1. My mother walked into the store and said, "OOh, let me see!" 
2. My father walked into the store, took one look at me, said, "I'll be in the car," turned around and left. 


Part 6: Long-term potential / Cole Haan = love
A few weeks ago, my internal boot alarm began to go off. I'm not sure how to describe it other than to say it's probably identical to whatever tells birds to migrate south for the winter. It's a survival instinct. Maybe I have a sixth sense. I don't know. What I do know is that suddenly, I was stopping random people in the street and asking them where their boots were from. Suddenly, I was spending my lunch surfing Zappos.com. 


Around this time, my best friend Ali invited me to go to Black Friday with her. I've been trying to go to Black Friday for my entire life, but I've never been able to get up in time. I've also never been to Wrentham (in 16 years of living in Boston... I know... Shameful). Luckily, Wrentham Outlets solved that problem for me: MIDNIGHT MADNESS! I'm not sure who thought opening a massive outlet mall at midnight was a good idea, but THAT PERSON DESERVES A PRIZE. Can't wake up to go shopping early? NEVER GO TO BED. PULL AN ALL-NIGHTER INSTEAD. Sometimes, I'm so amazed by how thoughtful businesses are. Not only did I get to stay up until sunrise shopping, I had a built-in reason to NOT stuff myself on Thanksgiving. If I was in a food coma, I wouldn't win in the likely event that I had to fight a bitch over a pair of Cole Haan boots. 


No, I have no idea where the Cole Haan boots idea came from. As soon as I looked up the directory and saw that a store was there, I just knew. I should mention that at some point along this bootlove journey, my mother introduced me to the wonder that is Cole Haan. I still have the first pair of pumps she bought me, and I still wear them, despite the fact that they are worn into the ground. 


First I should explain my reaction to driving into the Wrentham Outlets. The first words out of my mouth were "OMG ALI YOU HAVE TO DRIVE I'M TOO EXCITED I'M GONNA CRASH." I giggled crazily and started bouncing around in the driver's seat. I hate this phrase, but truly, excitement bubbled up inside me. The moment I saw the big blue signs I was struck with the wonder of the place. I am the 99% but on this night, because of this wondrous place and its wondrous sales, I GET TO BUY THE 1%'S COLE HAAN BOOTS! OCCUPY WRENTHAM OUTLETS PEOPLE! 


I frowned at the Coach line (500 people probably) and at the Uggs line (even longer) and thought, "I KNOW SOMETHING YOU DON'T KNOW!" Cole Haan beats both Coach and Uggs. It's not even a contest. It's like playing rock/paper/scissors and BOOM there's a grenade. Cole Haan always wins. 


Then I saw them, surrounded by warmth and light. It was a completely different experience from the Born cowboy boots. Those were lust. These were love. I saw myself years down the road wearing these boots. I saw long-term potential. I saw a future with these boots. I had to have them. 


They are beautiful. I don't know where to begin to describe them. It's probably useless because this is so long and rambly that I'm the only one who will read it, but I'll try. 


Perfect honey brown. 
Waterproof to military standards. 
Tweed on the inside (in case you want to fold them down). 
Nike air in the soles (did you know that Nike bought Cole Haan? I didn't..). 
AAAAAAA;DLFKJAF;DLALS;AFJSA


There aren't words. 


I can't even finish this blog I have to go stare at them bye

Everything I did today to avoid being productive

The following is a list, in no particular order, of everything I did today to avoid being productive.

1. Ran 1.5 miles. Got bored. Ran home. 
2. Changed my outfit 4 times before walking the quarter mile to the ATM. 
3. Got quarters for laundry. Did not do laundry. 
4. Made fajitas. 
5. Reorganized my wallet. 
6. Texted and called people. 
7. Read Perez Hilton three times. 
8. Watched two episodes of House. 
9. Googled 6 diseases that I learned about while watching House. 
10. Commented on nearly everything Jenn posted on facebook. 
11. Wondered: Jenn or Jen? I don't know, now that facebook has synced with my phone, because your full name shows up now. 
12. Ignored a phone call from a guy I met last night with beautiful eyes. 
13. Wondered if I'd end up dating him and then he'd get mad at me after reading this. 
14. Spent 5 minutes debating whether or not to call him back. Decided not to call him back. 
15. Thought about packing a lunch. Continued sitting on couch. 
16. Daydreamed about black leather riding boots with silver buckles. 
17. Watched Revenge. 
18. Pondered what theme to have for our NYE party. 
19. Tried to rebuild my iTunes library. Failed. 
20. Stretched my quads for 5 minutes. 
21. Listened to Love and Peace or Else 3 times. 
22. FINALLY FIGURED OUT what the fuss over Enrique Iglesias is all about. 
23. Went to the ATM. Took pictures of glittery pavement. 
24. Swore up and down that I'll go running tomorrow and to Pilates on Tuesday. 
25. Wondered if Katniss, Gale and Peeta would be popular baby names starting in April. 
26. Was extremely offended by the product placement at the AMAs. Really JLo? A Gucci/Fiat car? 
27. Watched all the Lonely Island videos. Died laughing. 
28. Got REALLY F-ING MAD for ten minutes. Then got over it. 
29. Got really f-ing mad for 30 seconds after typing that. Then got over it. 
30. Questioned JLo's outfit choice at the AMAs. 
31. Wanted to go clubbing. 
32. Decided to expand my social circle. 
33. Read random blogs. 
34. Thought about men's shoulders. 
35. Realized how awesome Kelly Clarkson is. 
36. Thought about carbs. Thought better of it. 
37. Vacuumed and swiffered the whole house. 
38. Thought about what Nick Carter would seriously think if he read my letter. 
39. Thought about cleaning my menorah. Decided I was too lazy. 
40. Decided to write a blog about all the things I did today instead of being productive. 

READ THIS BEFORE DATING ME

I realize I may not have been entirely fair. Communication is the foundation of any good relationship, romantic or otherwise, so in honor of that, I'm taking this moment to communicate the one universal truth you need to know before you date me:

DON'T tell me my job is easy.

I get it, really, I do. People that aren't teachers don't understand what it's like. In fact, I'm pretty sure many people that are teachers don't understand what it's like teaching at an inner city middle school. I'm not here to preach. I already talk way too much about my job, as do all my teacher friends, and it's something I'm working on. I will not deliver an impassioned speech. There will be no lectures, soliloquies, or angry rambling rants. Let's leave that to the experts (like Samuel L. Jackson's character in Pulp Fiction). I have nothing to prove to you. I love my job so much it continues to shock me when I think about it. I am thrilled with what I do. I'm also good at it. I don't expect everyone to understand. That's fine. All I ask is this: Don't be an asshole about it.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't say "asshole." I'm always cautioning my students against using profanity because it's vague, ineffective description, so allow me to elaborate.

Don't be an ignorant, condescending twit about it.

I will be the first one to admit when I know nothing about your job. I will ask you tons of questions, both to understand the bigger picture and what the minute-by-minute day-by-day is like. I will never make any assumptions. I will ask you first.

Just so you know, this was sparked by a recent event in my life. It occurred on a date, which is revolutionary in itself because guess what? I'm dating! I know, it's exciting. After a long (3-year) hiatus, I have decided it's time.

Scene: First Date. Restaurant in Boston area. 


Guy: So what do you do? 
Leah: I'm a middle school writing teacher. 
Guy: Oh my God, that must be the easiest job ever! You're done by 3, and you get summers off. 
Leah: Well, it's actu---
Guy: I WISH MY JOB WAS EASY LIKE TEACHING! 
Leah: Well, actu--- 
Guy: YOU'RE SO LUCKY. 
Leah: Could you lis--
Guy: I mean, whoa. 
Leah: I'm going to go wash my hands before our food comes. 
*Walks out the front door of the restaurant*

Clearly, the ETB (easy-teaching-bomb) was not the only issue with this man's personality. I'm still working on my screening process.

The message I want the world to take away from this blog (because let's be honest-- the entire world does, in fact, read this blog) is this: I have no desire to start bitching about how difficult my job is. I'm over that. If you get to know me, you'll see how hard my job is without me saying a damn thing. Just don't call my job easy. A teacher once said to me "If you know what you don't know, then you know something. If you don't know what you don't know, then you don't know a thing."

Eligible bachelors of the world, I implore you: Know what you don't know.

PS: If you're still having trouble understanding, please watch this slam poetry performance.