I'm so tired. I love my job, I really do, and I know it will get easier every year, but whoever said that the second year of teaching is significantly easier than the first is lying. A bit, maybe. But not a lot.
I am so frustrated with my students. I want so much to motivate them, but it has to come from them. At a Halloween party last year, an old friend from high school/temple said, "Wow, so you're like Michelle Pheiffer in Dangerous Minds," and I couldn't comprehend the comparison. Movies, books, all narratives essentially, are made with the audience in mind. There are things like narrative arc, climax, rising action, characterization, etc. Real life is a lot less interesting. It tends to wear on you day by day, like a layer of gauze between you and the outside world, until finally your mind is so blurry that you sleep for 14 hours starting at 7 p.m. Friday night.
I will, however, try to use positive motivation whenever possible. I can't keep giving detentions. There's no point. I am happy with my decision to not hold afternoon detentions anymore (Haleluyah), but still, something about the model is broken. I don't know.
I ... am tired.
