Word Vomit Part 2

All the lovely utterances that I refrained from compulsively posting on facebook...

1. Today was one of those "nod, smile, and pretend I didn't see you pulling your pant legs up, comparing leg hair, and ranking yourselves on a scale of 1 to manly" days. 
2. I swear to God if you look me in the eye one more time and whine "but I wasn't talking" I am going to set up hidden cameras. 
3. Got to work before the sun came up today. Depressing. Boo arriving before 7 a.m. 
4. I'm so tired and dehydrated that I just had half a glass of wine and I feel noticeably drunk. I'm not talking, "OOOEEE bit buzzed." I'm talking "OH SHIT THERE'S 7 BOOKS I WANT TO READ... [fall asleep on couch]. 
5. I should go to pilates. 
6. I could totally get married soon. Or at least be in a long-term relationship. Think about it. You can have all the sex you want. All the time. Good deal. 
7. What is the big deal with Drake? I just heard him for the first time, and he seems to have mastered a kind of monotonous whine... I think he was better on Degrassi. 
8. This week is so long it's surreal. 
9. I was never this rude as a middle schooler. Wait. Yes, I was. To my mother. Who grounded my ass for the remainder of middle school and most of high school, and later, when she still didn't approve of my choices, cut my sorry ass off financially. Dear Mom, Thanks for being a parent. I wish my students' parents were more like you. 
10. Thanks Mom for your understanding with regards to my engagement. Hilariously enough, she has been fielding panicked phone calls from my relatives all week, but she never once took it so seriously that she felt the need to ask me. It just casually came up in conversation. 
11. Sometimes I worry that this job is burning me out very, very fast. 
12. Am I going on the 7th grade field trip tomorrow? No one seems to know. I've heard mixed reports. I told my 8th graders there was a 50% chance I might not be there in class, and they responded by yelling loudly. Why is it that my highest writers, hardest workers, most generally badass human beings I teach respond the worst to substitute teachers? Perhaps because they've had me for two years, they are that much more used to me. Their answer, when asked, because of course I asked them, was something along the lines of, "You have a very specific way of doing things. After two years, we can't deal with anyone else. You just look at us in a certain way and we know you heard us whispering about our love lives and we better cut the shit. You narrow your eyes one millimeter and we know that you expect a lot from us, and if we don't do it... baaaaaaaaaad things, bad things... OMG sorry for saying shit... OMG I SAID IT AGAIN HAHAHA OOPS!" 
13. Overheard Recently: 
1. Student: If you don't be quiet right now I will TAZE YOU TO DEATH. DO NOT INTERRUPT MY READING. 
2. Me: Surprisingly, when I tell my friends what you guys say, they don't believe me. 
3. Student: Why? That seems pretty reasonable to me. 
14. So cold.