Things I wish I could tell my BU neighbors

1. If you continue to walk out in the middle of traffic, you will get hit by a car.
2. Thanks for making all the cops angry. Last summer, when crazy lady hit my minivan (RIP minivan), the cop's exact words were "Listen up you little brat..." and he was shocked that I wasn't a BU undergrad. 
3. It's 2 a.m. on a Tuesday. Some of us have work in the morning. Shut the fuck up. I understand your passionate need to hotbox your bathroom while playing Stevie Nicks at full volume. In fact, I may have done the same, but I was living in Holland, so it's all kind of a blur. However, I respect that. Just not at 2 a.m. 
4. Out of state students- Hire people to move you into your dorms. Your parents can't drive worth a damn. If you were not taught to drive in this city, you shouldn't be trusted in an overstuffed Explorer with the rearview blocked. 
5. To the girl who yelled, "Do I LOOK like someone who cares about other people?" as Stephanie and I were walking by yesterday: No, dear, you don't. I'd go as far as to tell you that's not a good thing, but then I run the risk of a "talk to the hand" or an "ask me if I care" retort, and that's one risk I'm not willing to take. 
6. Do not play Ke$ha before 10 a.m. I guarantee you that she doesn't wake up until at least eleven, and probably doesn't bust out her toothbrush and Jack Daniels until at least noon, so I'm sure she'd approve of this plan. 
7. Stop blocking the footbridges to the esplanade. It's bad enough that I have to run 1.98 miles through your campus to even cross Storrow, and now you make me wade through sweaty plaid bodies to even get to the ramp? Make a path. 
8. In no way does your campus require 3 official (and 2 unofficial) T stops. WALK.