20 Reasons Why I Ignored You

Inspired by this post on Thought Catalog... I'm not saying I agree with everything on that list (I don't). But it did make me think about why I don't call men back, or stop calling them back, or break things off entirely... My list encompasses a bit more. I present to you:

20 Reasons Why I Ignored You, Dude. 

(all have happened at least once)

1. You just wanted me for sex (which is flattering, but no thanks). 
2. I wasn't attracted to you. 
3. You were sending mixed messages and I was tired of trying to decode them. 
4. You are the kind of person who doesn't know how to work hard for anything. 
5. You talked shit to me about my vegetarianism. I don't care if you're not one, but let's just agree to disagree. If we can't eat the same entrees, we can at least meet halfway at the dessert portion of the meal. Or not, since you spent the entire dinner complaining about my entree choice. 
6. No fizz factor. Fizz factor = You know that feeling you get when you drink too much over-carbonated soda? That's the way I feel when I'm attracted to someone, except it's kind of an all-over feeling. If I never once thought about kissing you... Sorry dude. 
7. You're a lot smaller than me. I know it's ridiculous, but I'm a former fat girl. I have a complex. I can't be the bigger one in the relationship. It's not about height. It's about being petite. I'm sorry... I can't deal with it. 
8. I was working out. You might say, "Really? How long do you work out for? No way it was that long." Yes way. Sometimes I work out for most of the day. Deal with it. 
9. I had an awful day and I was sleeping it off like a bad night at the Hong Kong in Faneuil. Yes, I just compared recovering from a day teaching to recovering from a hangover. Deal with it. 
10. You insulted my profession, alluded to insulting my profession, or condescendingly remarked about my profession. 
11. You told me I was a terrible excuse for a human being because I hated The Catcher in the Rye.
12. I went incommunicado because my internet and 3g broke. 
13. You told me I should be jealous that you have a big boy job in the real world. 
14. You were mean to my little brother. 
15. You couldn't maintain eye contact with my father. He is deceptively scary, but really? 
16. You were anti-Semitic. 
17. You insulted my (mostly) healthy lifestyle. I am a couch potato very often, but I love being active. I value my health. And you kept making comments about how much time I was wasting while running. It was rude. 
18. You were a compulsive liar. 
19. You neglected to mention that your ex died TWO WEEKS AGO. 
20. You asked me to explain my highest level of math education and proceeded to judge me for not taking AB Calc in high school. 

READ THIS BEFORE DATING ME

I realize I may not have been entirely fair. Communication is the foundation of any good relationship, romantic or otherwise, so in honor of that, I'm taking this moment to communicate the one universal truth you need to know before you date me:

DON'T tell me my job is easy.

I get it, really, I do. People that aren't teachers don't understand what it's like. In fact, I'm pretty sure many people that are teachers don't understand what it's like teaching at an inner city middle school. I'm not here to preach. I already talk way too much about my job, as do all my teacher friends, and it's something I'm working on. I will not deliver an impassioned speech. There will be no lectures, soliloquies, or angry rambling rants. Let's leave that to the experts (like Samuel L. Jackson's character in Pulp Fiction). I have nothing to prove to you. I love my job so much it continues to shock me when I think about it. I am thrilled with what I do. I'm also good at it. I don't expect everyone to understand. That's fine. All I ask is this: Don't be an asshole about it.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't say "asshole." I'm always cautioning my students against using profanity because it's vague, ineffective description, so allow me to elaborate.

Don't be an ignorant, condescending twit about it.

I will be the first one to admit when I know nothing about your job. I will ask you tons of questions, both to understand the bigger picture and what the minute-by-minute day-by-day is like. I will never make any assumptions. I will ask you first.

Just so you know, this was sparked by a recent event in my life. It occurred on a date, which is revolutionary in itself because guess what? I'm dating! I know, it's exciting. After a long (3-year) hiatus, I have decided it's time.

Scene: First Date. Restaurant in Boston area. 


Guy: So what do you do? 
Leah: I'm a middle school writing teacher. 
Guy: Oh my God, that must be the easiest job ever! You're done by 3, and you get summers off. 
Leah: Well, it's actu---
Guy: I WISH MY JOB WAS EASY LIKE TEACHING! 
Leah: Well, actu--- 
Guy: YOU'RE SO LUCKY. 
Leah: Could you lis--
Guy: I mean, whoa. 
Leah: I'm going to go wash my hands before our food comes. 
*Walks out the front door of the restaurant*

Clearly, the ETB (easy-teaching-bomb) was not the only issue with this man's personality. I'm still working on my screening process.

The message I want the world to take away from this blog (because let's be honest-- the entire world does, in fact, read this blog) is this: I have no desire to start bitching about how difficult my job is. I'm over that. If you get to know me, you'll see how hard my job is without me saying a damn thing. Just don't call my job easy. A teacher once said to me "If you know what you don't know, then you know something. If you don't know what you don't know, then you don't know a thing."

Eligible bachelors of the world, I implore you: Know what you don't know.

PS: If you're still having trouble understanding, please watch this slam poetry performance.